April today alongside this sleepy lake in the middle of the city,
where today it would be cold anywhere.
But the wind is moving toward me so the wiggling oblongs of
sunlight on the fine ripples moving toward me look
like a thousand fish moving toward me. The sun and the wind
are competing for space.
And here is one of those weed-like trees whose every leaf is
designed to flutter. They're all shivering, hoping each side
can get some cold sun on it. I take off these dumb sunglasses
and everything changes so I put them on again. Because I
don't like the afternoon and that is why I am a Spring person,
a person of Spring. It also makes me repetitive.
This person over here cradles her phone under her neck
leafing through papers. That one holds her dog in her lap
and makes me think of a small friend who died last week
and the woman he left behind and I wish I could go to her
and go to him and it's funny how people, well, I, hold on
to pain. How it can be so warm and exquisite. I'd rather
feel my breath catch in my throat and get shook like those
leaves I mentioned than let the suffering part of sadness
go away. Because I'm afraid it will hijack my memories.
I am afraid to say the words "good bye." As if we ever
can. Love marks you forever like a knife across the cheek.
or something. Not something. It does. It kills me and
today is a good day to die. Good bye small friend.
There's that woman's dog again lifting his head up to the wind
and smiling at everybody and everybody who passes smiles
at him in the same way they would a new baby. Does the
other woman, with the phone, wish she could be with
somebody instead. I don't know. I'm going to lie back like
a dog and let the sun dig its fingers in me because there's
things that need to come out. Maybe the wriggles of light
-- jumping up now vertical and pointed to snap at the air
will snatch whatever it is away from me that made me
snap at you yesterday. Don't want to end with a metaphor
about pets but maybe it's time to risk not taking things
seriously. The little lights on the water are pretty trivial
but they are gathering around me and I will listen to them.
My kidney hurts
There are geese overhead
An airplane roars
An hour is over
From from in between